Take a Cooperative Approach to Conflict Resolution

Posted on March 11, 2009 by ellendnaylor

Many in my fields of competitive intelligence and research have lost their jobs in this tough economy.  While cooperative intelligence skills of leadership, connection and communication don’t guarantee job security, they will help you stand out since many people have lower emotional intelligence: that is they have weak people skills.

I like the cooperative approach shared in Hot Buttons to solve conflicts with colleagues as it’s objective, focuses on constructive communication, and not “who dunnit?:

How did our conflict start? What hot buttons were pressed? Yours? Mine?

Which of your needs are not being met? What are your goals?

What do I need?

What am I doing, saying or not saying that is preventing your goals>

What is the cost of not solving this problem? Specifically…

What are the benefits of resolving the problem? What can I do?

How can we start?

At the heart of any organization is the connection between manager and reporting employees.  To improve the relationship and demonstrate cooperative leadership and promote loyalty consider the following 4 attributes:

Trust – is a two-way street.  Managers and employees need to express confidence in each other.

Respect – recognize your employee’s competence. Show thanks and appreciation for your employee’s work, in a note, a conversation…

Inclusion – include employee’s opinions and welfare in decisions that affect him/her.

Fairness – give all an equal opportunity to be successful. Be even handed, impartial and objective.

Another pet peeve I have is that many managers don’t give good feedback to their employees during their quarterly or annual review process.  Lousy feedback, lack of feedback or the destructive delivery of feedback is a form of disrespect and maddens people.

I had a difficult employee who I had to provide feedback to outside of the annual review process.  She wasn’t pulling her weight, and was certain that her contribution–based on her straight A’s in a decent college–was excellent.  I was at my wit’s end to get her to produce.  How could I cool my heels and get through to this woman?  I started with her place of strength: I complimented her on her wonderful grades and high IQ which caused her to relax and smile.

Then I asked her for the date to get her to realize she was now out of school and while the grades got her this job, production would be the key to keeping it since her co-workers completed their projects in less time.  I also implored her sense of fairness since the other workers had to stay late to finish work that she wasn’t, and she knew she didn’t want that.

We turned it around since we started with her strong point and built on it, and I knew she had a strong sense of fairness towards her co-workers.  She started to produce great work once she had time to digest that I valued her intelligence, and wanted her to apply it at work.

What stories do you have where you turned around a difficult situation?

Filed under: communication, Competitive Intelligence, connection, cooperative, Cooperative Intelligence, emotional intelligence, leadership, research | Comments Off on Take a Cooperative Approach to Conflict Resolution

Conflict Resolution: Know Your Hot Buttons & Be Aware of Other’s!

Posted on March 9, 2009 by ellendnaylor

I’m still visiting my folks in VA and my Dad is failing. As I ponder his life, I recall what a great attorney he was, and how he could chew right through conflict. Case in point: he started his legal career defending Japanese war criminals after WWII.

I had the good fortune to read Hot Buttons: How to Resolve Conflict and Cool Everyone Down by Sybil Evans and Sherry Suib Cohen.

The mind and the body are twins. Poet Algernon Swinburne

What happens in your mind and spirit gets to your stomach and your heart.

A Hot Button is an emotional trigger and when someone pushes one of your hot buttons, you know it since it make you a little crazy. Self awareness of what makes you crazy and an awareness of others’ hot buttons—is very useful in business. It is important to know your conflict style. Before you can diffuse your hot buttons you must be clear about what inflames them. This sounds a lot like emotional intelligence to me!

The book describes 5 conflict styles:

Avoider – Make “it go away” is the goal when conflict intrudes your life

Slash-and-Burn – Tough guy who is “in-your-face”

Peace at all Costs – Harmony is the goal here

Problem Solver – No problem is insurmountable if you work at it

Exploder – Into high drama, emotional and demonstrative

This bleeds right into cooperative intelligence’s leadership, connection and communication.

Leadership – Good leaders are self-aware and observant enough to notice what triggers other’s hot buttons.

Connection – This sensitivity helps develop trusting and lasting relationships.

Communication – Hot button awareness helps us be better observers, listeners and communicators.

So how do you resolve conflicts which stem from Hot Buttons? The book outlines 5 steps:

1. Watch the Play – as though you’re the audience, not a participant. “Watch & play” creates a mental attitude of detachment and objectivity.

2. Confirm – the validity of the other person’s anger. You let them know you’re ready to listen.

3. Get more Info – by asking open-ended Questions.

4. Assert your own interests and needs. Note: this is step 4 after you have calmed down and listened to the other guy’s point of view. Now he is likely to listen to you.

5. Find common ground – for a solution with a problem-solving approach.

There are several tippers from this book that I practice to avoid conflicts:

1. People’s beliefs are not always what you assume they are. When people make wrong assumptions, it can push hot buttons.

2. Empathy is a great hot button diffuser since it acknowledges the other person’s feelings, and takes your mind off your own feelings and allows you to creep into someone else’s. This is calming during a conflict.

3. Ask questions – Questions help you learn more information about the other guy’s feelings, and give you time to cool down, if you’re angry

4. Paraphrase – By restating I can make sure I heard exactly what my partner meant me to hear. Paraphrasing also lets the other guy know I am listening, a key ingredient to conflict resolution.

Here are two books I recommend which are in a similar vein:

Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler and Stephen R. Covey (my comments)

The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes by Bill Ury

Filed under: communication, connection, cooperative, Cooperative Intelligence, emotional intelligence, leadership | 1 Comment »

The Demise of Print Media: Farewell to Colorado’s Rocky Mountain News

Posted on February 27, 2009 by ellendnaylor

Today is the last day for Colorado’s Rocky Mountain News. It is a passing of the guard for our state as this form of communication is dying and The Denver Post will be the sole survivor for the Denver metro. In addition to the 200+ newsroom staffers out of a job, the demise of The Rocky Mountain News is real blow for Colorado as one of our oldest businesses with roots back to 1859.

While we will miss our Rocky Mountain News, Denver is a mid-tier large city which challenges the limits of supporting two local papers. However, earlier this week, media mogul Hearst Corp. said it may close its San Francisco Chronicle  newspaper, the nation’s 12th largest daily and Northern California’s largest daily. Last month it declared that it would close its money-losing Seattle Post-Intelligencer unless a buyer emerged within 60 days. To date, no purchaser has stepped forward in Seattle, just as no buyers have been announced for the Miami Herald, the Austin American-Statesman, and the San Diego Union-Tribune.

The bankruptcy filing of Philadelphia Media Holdings could deliver the deathblow to the Philadelphia Daily News. Journal Register Co. sought bankruptcy protection last Friday, the Minneapolis Star Tribune sought protection in January and Tribune Co, sought protection in December of 2008. Read about details of the newspaper industry and its troubles in Reflections of a Newsosaur by Alan Mutter.

This year’s annual convention of newspaper editors has been canceled so their publications can save money and focus on surviving the recession. It’s just the second time that American Society of Newspaper Editors hasn’t convened. The last time occurred during the final months of World War II in 1945. The newspaper editors convention was supposed to be held from April 26-29 in Chicago.

The recession is advancing a trend we have seen for several years: the labor costs of running a newspaper are increasing relative to lower readership and ad revenues. Print media in its many forms is threatened as people read their news, for free, on the Internet before it hits the newspapers. I subscribe to the Wall Street Journal. The benefit is the depth of the articles compared to on-line articles, which I value. For many, newspapers don’t get us the news quickly enough as we have become social media and social network junkies. I keep Twitter open much of the day, which points me to the news as it’s happening through “Twitscoop.”

As a competitive intelligence professional and researcher, I am troubled by the demise of newspapers, not unlike the lower readership of books. We have become a nation with short attention spans, and while “6 or 10 points of how to do something,” might be interesting, it is cursory communication. In-depth news and books is really how you learn, grow, develop leadership and expertise, and we are losing this. We are also losing our connection with journalists, who are experts in their field, unlike bloggers who are often “self appointed” experts.

What do you think about the demise of print media and lower readership of books in favor of electronic news and social media?

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Trick or Tweet: 13 Ways to Alienate Twitter Followers

Posted on February 26, 2009 by ellendnaylor
This is a follow-up to “Netiquette on LinkedIn.” In the spirit of cooperative intelligence, I will illustrate how to be cooperative by sharing examples of bad Twitter communication practices.
Here 13 ways to alienate your Followers on Twitter:
1. Advertise your blog posts and everything about your business with every Tweet. It’s OK to send a person to your blogs as you publish, but it is tacky to repeat and/or re-tweet (repeat your Tweets) about your business continuously. I like the 80:20 rule–80% of my Tweets are about others; 20% about me.
2. Don’t share anything about yourself in your profile. That’s a way to discourage people from following you. People are curious about who you are: tell them and be human about it. I include a link to my LinkedIn profile, and got that idea by looking at a colleague’s profile.
3. Don’t have a picture or brand by your name. That’s an opportunity lost for branding. It’s so much more interesting to see someone’s picture next to their Tweet rather than the ugly, brown default space.

4. Don’t use your Tweets as a chat room. Some people are really just Tweeting to each other. Send that person a direct Tweet. The rest of us feel left out and don’t want to be a part of your personal conversation.

5. Don’t publicly berate anyone in your Tweets. Remember your manners.

6. Twitter is not a megaphone for one way communication. Engage your followers by sharing information you think they will appreciate and ask them questions.

7. Set up a robot to send a standard message thanking people for following you on Twitter. I find this insulting. I would rather get no message than a robotic one.

8. Mass following everyone so you can inflate your numbers, and then use that success metric for influence. Some people will “Brag Tweet” that they just got over 100 followers in a 24 hour period. We followers don’t care! Think about how this makes your followers feel–not very special.

9. Some people argue that you should automatically follow everyone who follows you on Twitter. I think it depends on your goals. I am not in Twitter for the numbers game. I would like to get to know the people who follow me, gradually. For example I am not a huge sports fan or into pumping iron, but somehow I am being followed by these types. BTW, Tweet Deck lets you organize those who follow you in categories that you create. For example, I create separate columns for Tweets from my personal friends, my research and competitive intelligence colleagues, friends in my state of Colorado, and frequent Tweeters.

10. Some people Tweet so often that they fill up their followers’ screens with their Tweets. It’s obvious they’re using software  to send out Tweets periodically 24/7. I’m not knocking the use of technology: just don’t use it to abuse us! I think it’s better to send out occasional Tweets that are relevant to your social networking goals and the brand you are portraying. For example, I mostly report on competitive intelligence, research, marketing, and cooperative intelligence’s traits of leadership, connection and communication.

11. Some people Tweet the mundane details about their life which we really don’t care about like, “I just baked a loaf of bread. I’m waiting for my flight at Denver airport.” This is boring! Is this how you want to be remembered?

12. There are some people who have 1000s of followers, but who follow no one. This is rude and insinuates that you are a taker. The only exception to this rule might be news stations like CNN, but even they want to follow a certain number of people to stay up with the news.

13. Some people just Tweet a link and don’t tell us why we should want to visit it. This takes very little time to include. It’s a real turnoff just to provide a link and makes people think you’re lazy.

So what do you find aggravating about practices on Twitter?

Check out The Dark Side of Twitter: What Businesses Need to Know.

In closing, when communicating on social networks, as with in-person networking you have to decide what works best for you based on your objectives for social networking, your ethics and philosophy, and recognize that everyone you connect with has their own standards which might be different from yours. It takes time to build a successful social networking presence just like it does the old fashioned way through meetings and phone calls. Relationships take time to develop, and the best way to nourish them is through continual, consistent communication, asking questions and listening.

Filed under: communication, Competitive Intelligence, connection, cooperation, cooperative, Cooperative Intelligence, leadership, research, social networks, Twitter | 11 Comments »

Build Cooperative Trust: Learn from Millard Fuller, Habitat for Humanity Visionary

Posted on February 9, 2009 by ellendnaylor

creativitycentralmariacharlie1I just had the privilege to attend my friends, Maria and Charlie Girsch’s 40th wedding anniversary celebration which started with a renewal of their vows.  Maria and Charlie are toy inventors who lead Creativity Central where they teach people how to be creative based on their 25 years of creativity with toys.  Their list of toy inventions numbers over 200!

Their celebration service was led by The Very Reverend Peter Eaton of Saint John’s Cathedral in Denver, Colorado.   He gave a stirring homily as he recounted the life of Millard Fuller, the visionary whose ideas and tireless work created Habitat for Humanity in 1976 who died on Feb. 3, 2009. How fortunate for Millard Fuller that President Jimmy Carter publicly supported Habitat in its early days which gave the organize a huge PR boost!  He has been an active volunteer in building Habitat homes and endorsing Habitat.

By Habitat’s 25th anniversary, tens of thousands of people were volunteering with Habitat and more than 500,000 people were living in Habitat homes.  “Millard Fuller’s drive and relentless commitment to affordable housing captured people’s imagination and changed lives around the world,” said J. Ronald Terwilliger, chair of Habitat’s International Board of Directors. “His inspiration lives on in Habitat’s work and through its employees, volunteers, partner families and supporters.”

Today more than a million people live in Habitat built, reconstructed or revamped homes, which are in more than 100 countries. Former President Jimmy Carter said: “He (Fuller) was an inspiration to me, other members of our family and an untold number of volunteers who worked side by side under his leadership.” Former President Bill Clinton has also volunteered on Habitat projects. When he presented Fuller the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 1996, Clinton said, “I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that Millard Fuller has literally revolutionized the concept of philanthropy.”

Millard Fuller’s leadership of Habitat for Humanity is an example of cooperative intelligence in the non-profit world, which continues to thrive.  It is a hugely successful cooperative effort by many people to restore or build homes for the less fortunate around the globe.

In our tough economic times, leadership needs to engage in cooperative intelligence and build support systems among employees, customers and suppliers like Miller Fuller did for Habitat. Many employees feel fear, and that they’re beaten up by their company’s management to do more with less.  How will companies foster a cooperative spirit when they are struggling to survive? It is more important than ever that the remaining employees in companies feel valued and are motivated to work hard, not just to keep their jobs, but because they want to.

What steps can you take to build up your company’s cooperative intelligence “trust” fund?

Filed under: Cooperative Intelligence, creativity, leadership | 2 Comments »

Diplomat Dennis Ross: Cooperative Leader & Active Listener

Posted on February 5, 2009 by ellendnaylor

I was inspired by Kit Cooper’s  interview with Dennis Ross, one of the most skilled diplomats in the world who was appointed by President Obama to serve as the chief envoy for Iran.

“I tell people that work with me that one of the most important skills in negotiations is active listening. I believe in not always asking questions with the purpose of getting the other side to reveal things. There is immense, untapped benefit to getting a deep understanding of what drives them and you certainly build good will with such an approach. “Why is that issue important to you? I want to understand it the way you understand it. I don’t want to have a false impression. Explain to me why that matters so much to you. Where does it come from? Why does it create an imperative?” You can’t find the underlying sources of behavior and issues unless you ask questions in this way. When people see that I am curious by being an active listener, they get a message of respect from me. And of course you have the benefit of actually learning something.”

Mr. Ross’s actions and attitude are that of a cooperative leader. Cooperative leadership is more a state of mind than a position within a company or in politics. Leaders are uncomfortable with the status quo, and live uncertain, risk filled lives and yet have a sense of belonging to the human race. They are life long learners who often serve and contribute to others. Thus people who work for them or connect with them in everyday life are uplifted and feel free. A cooperative leader really values and trusts the interdependence of relationships. Active listening is a leading characteristic of a cooperative leader and crosses all job functions. I think executives who are cooperative leaders give their companies a tremendous competitive advantage since they are open to listening and learning so are less likely to be blind sided by surprise market developments, new technology or an emerging competitor.

BTW if you want to gain great insight into Dennis Ross, check out his book, Statecraft: And How to Restore America’s Standing in the World.

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Cooperative Leadership: The White House Has a Blog!

Posted on January 22, 2009 by ellendnaylor

Just in case you missed President Obama’s inaugural address, here it is!

Wow, the White House has a Blog!  Our new President reaches out to all of us through various means of communication as he has embraced social networking in a big way in addition to traditional media.

I particularly enjoyed the commentary of President Obama’s speech by Lee Iacocca, former president and CEO of Chrysler, in today’s Wall Street Journal.  I still like getting the printed version of the WSJ, even though I’m on-line most of my waking hours!

“President Obama got it right in his inauguration speech. He did the one thing that I believe is the most important: he asked everyone to join the team in service to the country.  He is smart enough to know that the presidency in not a one-man show. It’s a team effort, and in this case, the team is millions strong. A true leader has the humility to understand that when he’s at the top, he’s standing on the shoulders of the people. We all have our work cut out for us.”

President Obama’s attitude embodies cooperative leadership, which stresses that through cooperation, reaching out and listening, we are effective both as self-leaders and leaders of others.

President Obama inherits a wounded America, and he is determined to bring us back, if we help!  Many people are out of work, have no healthcare benefits, our education system needs reform, and our collective cash flow has declined.  However, I hold great hope for this new administration due to its grassroots-level support in communities across American which continues even past the campaigning season. Yes we can.  And he is surrounding himself with such a talented staff!  Witness the approval of Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State!

In closing, a colleague shared this poem which talks to me, especially in tough times:

Your Goal

Ships sail East, and ships sail West,
While the selfsame breezes blow,

It’s the set of the sails, and not the gales,
That determine the way they go.

Like the winds of the sea,
Are the ways of fate,

As we journey along through life,

It’s the set of the soul,
That determines the goal,
And not the calm nor the strife.

Author Unknown

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Integrating Competitive Intelligence and Marketing: Boost Your Interviewing & Elicitation Skills

Posted on January 18, 2009 by ellendnaylor
golden gate bridge san francisco

golden gate bridge san francisco,
originally uploaded by mbell1975.

Last week I traveled to San Francisco to help instruct an AMA (American Marketing Association) course on Integrating Competitive Intelligence into Marketing. In the cooperative spirit, I shared this book list to supplement our teaching which I am sharing with you. If you have other books to suggest I would like to hear from you!

1. What Every Body is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Speed-Reading People by Joe Navarro. Joe is a professional reader of body language and shares some of the tricks to this skill, not the least of which is keen, unobtrusive observation. I think there is even more pressure to be good at reading body language today since most of our communication is electronic. Thus, we get less practice at being with people, so we need to be all the more observant during in-person meetings.

2. Take the Cold out of Cold Calling by Sam Richter. Sam Richter was President of the James J Hill Reference Library which mostly serves individuals and small business. As such, this book is geared to help anyone learn more about their customers by researching them on the Internet, and he shares many tippers on how to do this.

3. Basic Interviewing Skills by Raymond L. Gorden. This is the best interviewing structure I have read anywhere which Professor Gorden calls, “Skill Learning Cycle,” which involves developing 12 skills to achieve a high quality interview. He presents a solid structure for conducting and assessing your interview and includes exercises for practice. He also includes some great tippers on how to read body language and tone of voice while conducting an interview.

4. Confidential: Business Secrets – Getting Theirs, Keeping Yours by John Nolan. This is a classic in the competitive intelligence community for John’s discussion around developing elicitation skills and how to protect your company’s secrets and sensitive information.

5. Positioning: The Battle for Your Mind by Al Ries and Jack Trout. This is a must read for anyone in public relations and brand management. Even a small business person will benefit by learning how to develop and position their brand.

6. The Discipline of Market Leaders by Michael Treacy. This is a favorite of Matt Kelly’s of Strategy Software, another instructor at our AMA course. Mr. Treacy argues that companies should focus on leadership in one of three areas for a sustainable competitive advantage: operational excellence, product leadership or customer intimacy.

7. Competitive Intelligence: How to Gather, Analyze, and Use Information to Move Your Business to the Top by Larry Kahaner. Mr. Kahaner describes the value of competitive intelligence and how to use it very clearly as he is a trained journalist, and writes exquisitely.

If you are interested in attending this AMA course on Integrating Competitive Intelligence into Marketing, we will be giving it in Boston on Feb. 12 and Chicago on March 12.

I also put together a book list on social networking and presentations for this course, the topic for a future blog.

Filed under: communication, competitive analysis, Competitive Intelligence, Cooperative Intelligence, leadership | Comments Off on Integrating Competitive Intelligence and Marketing: Boost Your Interviewing & Elicitation Skills

Just Be Yourself

Posted on January 9, 2009 by ellendnaylor

How’s your New Year started?  Here is are some attitudes and practices to keep you grounded.

This is a great message to live by in the new year…Just Be Yourself!
I don’t know who the author is, but I am grateful my friend Scott Brown forwarded it to me today.  Thank you Scott!

Be understanding to your perceived enemies.
Be loyal to your friends.
Be strong enough to face the world each day.
Be weak enough to know you cannot do everything alone.
Be generous to those who need your help.

Be frugal with that you need yourself.
Be wise enough to know that you do not know everything.
Be foolish enough to believe in miracles.
Be willing to share your joys.
Be willing to share the sorrows of others.

Be a leader when you see a path others have missed.
Be a follower when you are shrouded by the mists of uncertainty.
Be first to congratulate an opponent who succeeds.
Be last to criticize a colleague who fails.
Be sure where your next step will fall, so that you will not tumble.

Be sure of your final destination, in case you are going the wrong way.
Be loving to those who love you.
Be loving to those who do not love you; they may change.
Above all, Be yourself.
Just be yourself.

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Extend a Positive Attitude for 2009

Posted on January 6, 2009 by ellendnaylor

I have started 2009 with the birth this blog, Cooperative Intelligence, a concept I have developed over the years. Many people suggested I use the words, “Collaborative Intelligence,” but that isn’t the intention or spirit I want to extend. Collaborative means that you are giving to get.  Cooperative means you are giving to give.  It is the process of developing your network by finding ways to help others.  Reciprocity is the engine of networks.  You are helped because you help others: no strings attached.  Instead of focusing on self-interest, you are seeking the common good.  I like the analogy that Donna Fisher shares in Power Networking that like a boomerang, the help we give comes back to us, though often in a roundabout way.

Most of us are good at learning the skills of our trade, but can be challenged to get our company’s managers to take action based on our findings. Cooperative intelligence integrates generous leadership, connection and communication, which helps anyone to “Listen and Be Heard.”  Cooperative intelligence plays a major role in positioning, earning and gaining respect.

As we start a new year, I will share a cooperative intelligence practice that will improve your positioning with your company’s leadership and co-workers. As an added bonus, you will also feel better about yourself.

 Maintain a Positive Attitude

I picked this cooperative intelligence practice in light of our current, turbulent economic times.  No matter how dour your current circumstances, you always have a choice about your attitude.

 A book that inspires this enthusiasm is The Art of Possibility by Rosamund and Ben Zander. The Zanders share many ways to maintain a positive attitude. After all we invent our own perception of life and thus there is a universe of possibilities and choices.  I love the analogy they share of Michelangelo’s attitude as he viewed his sculpture projects, “Inside of each block of stone or marble dwells a beautiful statue.” Apply this positive attitude and vision to the relationships you develop in life!

Another Zander tip is to “Give an A,” even before it’s really earned. Give the other person a boost right at the outset of a relationship. This corresponds to a universal desire in people to contribute to others no matter how many barriers there are to its expression. Assume that people are good, fair and honest. Trust in the relationship. Such trust will be evident and felt by everyone since it’s infectious. Watch Ben Zander’s infectious possibilities and enthusiasm in this video.

In Whale Done, Ken Blanchard and his coauthors explain that people perform better when they accentuate the positive, catching people doing things RIGHT versus catching people doing things wrong. 

I hope these ideas help you get your new year off to a good start!

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